Pregnancy is one hormone fuelled shit-show from start to finish… and when I say finish, giving birth isn’t even the end of it as far as Mother Nature is concerned. No, it seems the wise old hag thinks it’s perfectly legit to continue to wreak havoc on your body in the ensuing weeks and months after you’ve given birth, just because she can.
We can all probably list off the horrors our bodies went through after giving birth. But as the weeks progress and you start to find your feet again, you naïvely hope that you’re over the worst of the physical effects.
But that’s not really the case is it?
Look, I can put up with the weird mummy-tummy, saggy skin below my below button, that’s lost all elasticity and looks like it belongs on a 90 year old's neck. I can put up with the stretch marks, because I wasn’t exactly strutting around in a bikini before I gave birth and they just don’t really bother me now because my tummy is rarely on show. I can also put up with the saggier boobs… thank God for good bras. But what I draw the line at, are those poxy, wispy, fuzzy, flyaway, baby style hairs that just seem to stick up on the side of your head like mini devil horns. What’s up with them? Is it not bad enough, that I had to put up with my hair thinning and falling out in the months after I gave birth, but I’m now stuck with these God awful baby hairs that look like they came off a goats chin! Post-partum hair loss was something I had been expecting, but why did no one care to fill me in on these awful flyaways?
And did I mention they do not respond to any kind of hair product or styling… they just stick up, out and all over the place! I swear at times, I feel like Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary when she sports that hilarious hair moment on her date with Ben Stiller (obviously minus her ‘hair gel!’)
If you’re anything like me, then most days it’s a necessity to have your hair up, for fear having it reefed out of your scalp by a very cute, but incredibly strong baby iron grip. Every morning, I throw my hair up into a pony tail or bun to get it away from said baby’s clutches, only to be met with an army of these weird, sticky-uppy, wispy hairs all over my hairline. And nothing I do seems to tame them… I’ve tried literally everything just short of cutting them off! But I made that mistake as a teenager and I won’t be repeating that move again! It was in the 90s when having those two small pieces of hair in front of your face was all the rage… I trimmed them a little too short, panicked and then cut the lot off, only to be life with two forever re-growing hair spikes out of the top of my hairline! Never again!
The only good thing about these, horrible, sideburn-style, wispy hairs? Well apparently it’s a sign that I am over the shedding phase (yay!) but in return I’m stuck with these yokes! Thanks Mother Nature, thanks a bunch!