The other day, I found myself popping a soggy piece of half-eaten sandwich, which had been dis-guarded by my toddler, straight into my mouth. It had been mauled and gummed within an inch of its life. It had probably been on the floor at some point and the dog might have even had a go at it, before it was deposited back on his blue plastic plate whenever he decided he was finished with it.
How the hell did I get here? How did I become the mum who routine chucks the baby’s grubby leftovers into her open gob without even a second thought?
Before I became a Mum, the thoughts of doing something like that made me want to gag. Seriously, while friends or family where showing me pictures of their babies covered in Petit Filous or the clichéd spaghetti on the head pose, I was nodding along enthusiastically, while secretly going ‘bleugh' inside my head.
Or when their toddler would run over and demand a drink of their mums cup of water and dutifully leave a cloud of backwash so thick, the water looked like broth, I’d be trying to control my upchuck reflex without letting on.
And yet, here we are… backwash doesn’t really bother me anymore, I routinely eat the child's leftovers and being pawed in yogurt covered hands is just routine.
I see kids eating in their high chairs now and I find myself going ‘ahhhhh so cute,’ when they are covered in their puree.
I’ve said it before and I’ll keep on saying it… motherhood changes you in so many ways and this is just one prime example. It’s as if my level for grossness has just gone into the stratosphere.
It’s the same with nappies.
It just doesn’t bother you in the way you expect it will, pre-kids. And while that’s all great, the gobbling of the baby’s leftovers is really starting to bother me. I find myself shoving it all into my mouth on autopilot… but why?
And then it hit me. Most days I don’t get time to eat breakfast, I don’t really at lunch and these days my husband and I don’t get to flop down to dinner until 9pm. So I’m hungry; whether I realise it or not, I’m subsisting on an endless loop of cold coffees, chewing gum and baby leftovers. I’ve become that perpetual oblivious snacker, who throws any morsel into their mouth without even registering it.
And I don’t like it.
I don’t like the mindless nature of it and I what I really don’t like the effect it’s having on my waistline, because while my toddler might be a live wire running all that stuff off, my metabolism just ain’t what it used to be.
So my new mantra is this ... Step away from the soggy, half-eaten chips Niamh… before it’s too late!