I often look at my parents and wonder how they survived parenting back in the day without the modern advances in technology that I take for granted… video monitors, pregnancy apps, swivel car seats, travel systems, leap apps and the all mighty, all knowing Google.
Of course they could do without the video monitors and leap apps… in fact sometimes I could do without both of those things, as a lot of the time ignorance is bliss; for example anyone who had the Wonder Weeks App will know that sinking feeling when they read the words ‘your child enters their xth leap today…’
Cue dramatic ‘dun, dun, duuuuuuuuuuun!’ music and the knowledge that for the next 30 days your bundle of joy is about to become as ratty as fuck. Some months it explained a lot in terms of meltdowns, but other months I just would have preferred not to know the shit storm I was in for.
But those things aside, I still wonder how on earth my folks coped without Google… I mean as a new parent I can tell you I Googled some pretty crazy shit (and I do mean that literally) in those foggy early days. Things like ‘can I die from lack of sleep,’ and ‘is green baby poo normal?’
Did my parents ring their folks at 3 in the morning about the colour of my poo? I doubt it. Truth be told, they probably worried less and just got on with it.
For better or worse though, I live in the era of Google and I’m not ashamed to say I Googled all of these seven things and more!
1. Baby Poo Green/Baby Poo Yellow/ Baby Poop Mustard?
Yup let’s all agree to doing this one. Your newborn will go through a whole rainbow of colours in the bowl department and as Google will tell you, it's all pretty normal. What you won’t find normal at the start though, is how much your conversations with you other half will now revolve around someone else's poo… consistency, colour, smell, frequency… it will all become as routine as talking about your favourite TV programme.
2. Can I Die From No Sleep?
The short answer is probably not, but some days with a newborn it bloody feels like it. You’ll experience a level of exhaustion you never though possible and still be expected to function and look after a tiny infants every need… The good news is, things will get better so hang in there!
3. Normal For Baby To Cry All The Time?
Er… look babies cry… a lot! I was one of those people who wasn’t really prepared for the level of crying. Babies have no other real way of communicating, so if their hungry, they’ll cry, if they need their nappy changed, they’ll cry. If they’ve wind, they’ll cry; too hot or too cold? Yup they’ll cry. Sometimes they cry for what seems like nor reason or my personal favourite because they are tired?? Seriously? All you have to do is close your eyes you’re already lying down!! Look, if you’ve exhausted all possible options and they are still crying just accept that sometimes they cry… thankfully the crying phase will pass!
4. When Will Umbilical Cord Fall Off?
The umbilical chord frightened the life out of me. I think that episode of SATC when baby Brady’s umbilical cord fell off and Miranda’s cat ran off with it, scared me for life. I just could not wait for the feckin’ thing to be gone! Don’t worry it will fall off in its own good time, just make sure your cat or dog isn’t around when it does. Bleuuuuugh!
5. Weird Head Shape Baby?
While some baby’s heads are all round and cute, most have a funny shape after being born. This can be down to the type of birth or if ventouse of forceps might have been used. Don’t worry, your little bundle’s cone shape should disappear in a few days…. Just make sure to bring hat! Lol!
6. Normal To Briefly Hate Husband After Give Birth…?
Um… I’m going to say yes here. Look, you’ve gone through labour, your body is feeling like you’ve been run over by a truck and now you’ve got a tiny newborn to look after. You’re probably running on coffee fumes and are so tired you can’t remember your own name… so yes it’s normal to feel a wee bit irrational towards your other half. It should pass though and he can eventually come back in from the dog house.
7. Will Boobs Ever Be Normal Again?
Probably not… well look, they will eventually just go back to being your boobs once you’ve given birth and once you’ve finished breastfeeding etc., but will they ever the be same as they were before you had a baby? Probably not. They’ve gone through a hell of a lot and some sag is inevitable, but thankfully as well as living in the age of Google, we also live in the age of fucking awesome bras, so don’t panic about the girls!