It's Impossible To Get Comfortable At Night When Pregnant...
I’m calling it. There is just no possible way to get comfortable at night when pregnant… right now I’m 24 weeks pregnant on my second baby and let’s just say mama ain’t getting much sleep these days and thankfully it’s not down to my toddler…
No it’s down to the simple fact that my huge pregnant arse cannot get comfortable, no matter what I do.
Let me set the scene for you and stop me if this sounds at all familiar.
Bed time rolls around and I’m exhausted after yawning all day like a bear who’s just gotten up from a bad hibernation. In fact, the yawns are so wide, I’m expecting to unhinge my jaw from the effort.
Anyway, I get into my PJs and throw back the covers. Of course I can’t just jump in, not anymore. Now there is an elaborate game of positioning that has to be done before I can get in to said bed.
You see, these days I have to prop myself up on three pillows in bed to abate the fire of indigestion which rears its ugly head the second my head hits the pillow. I reach for the monster bottle of Gaviscon by the side of the bed and have a large swig, (some nights secretly wishing it was wine!) I lay out my dream genii pillow below the three other pillows and sort of jump over the long side of said pregnancy pillow so I can actually get in the bed... Our bed is one of those super high ones I thought was a great idea at the time… stupid pre-pregnant me.
Anyway, I then spend a good five minutes trying to shimmy my pregnant arse off the bottom of the dream genii pillow so I can move it down, while I simultaneously try and get it in such a way that my back is supported and my neck, which is now contorted in an uncomfortable way thanks to the three pillows, are as comfortable as can be… which is not comfortable at all.
Then, just as I get myself positioned, I close my eyes and himself starts to snore…. I pop in my earplugs and try to get comfy. Then just as I’m on the edge of sleep the baby dances on my bladder until I cannot put it off any more… I have to get up.
Now begins the unfurling from the expertly prearranged pillow formation that was supporting my back and head. I thrash about, like flipper trying to get myself out of the bed. Then I shuffle ungracefully to the bathroom as I try not to make any noise, pee, without flushing, because you know, no-one with small kids flushes the toilet at night for fear of waking the little darlings. Then I waddle just as ungracefully back to bed, trying not to let my mind get to over active because God knows once it starts over analysing everything it will keep me awake all by itself.
So then, pillow Tetris begins again as I once more shimmy over the dream genii pillow, this time in the dark and try to slide back into position. I get in and think it might be nice to flip onto my right side for a little while, that’s the moment indigestion rises in the back of my throat like battery acid and I’ve to flip over to my left side immediately, only I’m like a tortoise stuck on his shell and for a few moments I’m in mid-air, gulping back the acid in my throat. I manage to get gravity on my side and swing to the left and come down with a thud, I take a huge swig of Gaviscon, then decide, it’s best for all concerned (although himself is STILL snoring though all of this movement) if I just stay on my left side even though my hips are burning and all I want to do is lie on my back, but of course I can’t do that and even if I did, thanks to the three pillow formation it’s as uncomfortable as fuck.
So I try and close my eyes and drift off, but the edge of sleep is in the distance still and that’s when I realise I’m too hot. I throw off the covers and adopt the 'one leg in, one leg' out position which works for a bit, until all that leg moving gives me the mother and father of all foot cramps, which means I’ve to haul my pregnant arse out of the bed again, toute de suite and stand up for a few moments until the blasted cramp goes away… I know it’s because I’m dehydrated so I have a big drink of water while I’m standing there, knowing that every mouthful of liquid is going to result in me having to get back up soon to pee yet again in a few minutes…
Pretty soon the cycle repeats itself, peeing, indigestion, foot cramps, too hot, burning hips etc until the birds start to sing and the room gets bright and it’s time to get up.