I Dreamed a Dream... of a Night Away... Alone!
Has anyone else’s had that dream? That dream of checking into a hotel by yourself, no kids, no other half, just you?
Diving into a big double bed, alone! No snoring, no playing duvet wars!
Having a monster long bubble bath without thinking I hear a baby crying or child needing me. Ordering room service and devouring a hot meal (one I’ve not cooked!) without anyone pawing me, or having to feed anyone else.
Going for a spa treatment or swim in a swimming pool, sitting by a fire reading a book or listening to some favourite music.
No toddler roaring as if I’m peeling his skin off when I try and put on his shoes. No moaning, no whining, no more being a short order chef. No endless games of ‘but why mummy’ with my four Year old.
No PJ masks on repeat, not getting covered in petit Filous and no wiping tiny botties for a day.
No one making any demands on me. Being able to switch off for the first time in years. Turn off my phone. Turn off my brain. Not have to be responsible or accountable to anyone for 24 hours.
God it sounds like heaven!
If you’d put that proposition to me before kids, I’d of said, ‘okay, but that’s a bit weird going to a hotel by yourself?’ Two kids later, I’d literally rip my arm off to go right this second.
‘You’re so ungrateful!’ I can hear people say.
And to that I say I love my boys, I’m very grateful to to be their mum. I love every scrap of them, and would walk face first into a bus for them without a moments hesitation if required, but parenting two smallies, especially during this last year, has been extremely full on and even the most patient, loving parents needs a break.
But there has been no breaks. Nowhere to escape to. No outlets. Very little support. At the end of every day I’m exhausted, and often anxious. I’m worn out, touched out and I feel like I don’t belong to myself anymore. I spend the evenings agonising over the things I did wrong and sleep is hard to come by.
So I day dream. I day dream about my day in a hotel alone. I dream of recharging and replenishing and being me for a day.
Have you had that dream???