Oh Those Summer Nights... When Your Toddler Cannot Sleep
Gro eggs around the country have been flipping their lids, going red and showing us that perpetual sad face for an entire week now with no end in sight… yes welcome to the night time routine, heatwave style.
I already ranted at will earlier in the week about how bloody tough it is to chase your toddler around with suncream and sun hats all day, while trying to keep cool at the beach or daytrips that end up becoming like the seventh level of hell, rather than the fanciful Enid Blyton scenario of whimsy you thought it was going to be like.
But all that pales in compassion to the actual shit-show that is trying to get your babies, toddlers and small kids to sleep in this recording-breaking heatwave… So here goes, hold on to your hats because this is going to be one hell of a mammy rant.
First, let’s start with their appetite. It goes to actual shite in the heat. They don’t want to eat anything and I can’t’ really blame them, although if that’s true then why are all my summer clothes too tight? How can salad be so fattening? (Pasta salad, potato salad, sausages, halloumi, hummus, steak, garlic bread, sourdough, burgers, ice cream and copious amounts of wine, maybe?)
For the last week or so, my toddler has been surviving on a cocktail of yogurts, Liga and the odd bite of cheese or sausage. He just has zero appetite and while that’s more annoying than concerning, what really gets the mammy-worry-meter going is when he won’t drink enough water in the heat. I’m literally following him around like an old testament water-wench trying to get him to take a sip of his water or even a fruit smoothie, while he casually rebuffs me every time.
Then, on an empty tummy and with slight dehydration setting in, it gets to bed time and the aforementioned gro egg just sits there... looking at me with that fucking sad, red face I want to punch!
I open the windows to get maximum air in, but of course what about the blackout blind? That has to go on the window too or else face way to much brightness in the room. But here’s the thing, the blind blocks the breeze, so you either had to live with a bright room with a bit of air flow, or a dark hot hellhole of a room…..
Anyone else hear the voice of Saw in their mind? ‘Live or die, make your choice.’
Choice made and whichever I choose, much like the film there won’t be a happy ending. If I keep the windows open, the noise of the older kids playing outside, people slamming car doors, dogs barking and the charlatan of an Ice cream man who decides to rock up at 9 o’clock after making a bloody fortune down on the seafront all day, will wake my child up.
And even when I’ve had every window in the his bedroom open all day, the bleeding gro egg is still likely to keep looking at me with it’s red sad face until maybe 3 am when the temperature decides to drop a smidge into the orange zone.
By then I’ve already been up and down to him five times.
So I said, enough is enough, I am getting fan! Take that heatwave, this will definitely work, right? Er, no because I have to turn it up so high to get it to make any difference, that it ends up keeping him awake and even then it's just blowing hot air around the room! I’ve even hung a damp towel up because I heard an old wives tale that it will cool down the room in a jiffy…. In case you’re wondering it doesn’t!
So look if anyone wants me I’m going to be in the paddling pool, yes I know there’s likely to be a hose ban, but if needs be I’m going to fill it with ice cold chardonnay and bring a very large
straw with me and sing 'oh those summer niiiiiiiights' from Grease until this heatwave ends.