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  • Niamh

8 Things Pregnant Women Don’t Want To Hear… Ever!

I have to admit, when I look back on my time being pregnant it is with fairly thick rose-tinted glasses, but despite my inner cynic, it really was a special time in my life.

That said, I spent the first part of it petrified something was wrong, or something bad would happen, then as time went on and the scans were normal, I started to relax and that’s when I really enjoyed being pregnant. I loved rubbing my belly, chatting to complete strangers about when I was due. I loved eating all the delicious stuff I wanted without any guilt. I enjoyed the maternity jeggings, the letting my belly hang out, the feeling of him moving around inside me and getting to take naps whenever the hell I was tired.

(I realise if I ever get pregnant a second time, it is going to be a whole new ball game with a toddler in toe, but that’s for another blog post.)

The middle part of the pregnancy was a dream… but by the time I was heading for the home stretch, that’s when things took a turn for the unpleasant.

I had the most horrendous PUPP rash that left me literally wanting to tear my own skin off. My body was sore, I was wrecked, I peed about a zillion times a day and I couldn’t even tie my own feckin’ shoes.

But that said, overall I did love being pregnant.

What I didn’t enjoy though, was all the clichéd super-hackneyed stuff well-meaning people seemed to lob into the conversation just because I was pregnant.

Such as –

​1. Wow You Look Like You’re Ready To Pop!

Er… well actually I’ve got four more months left… but thanks for the super morale booster there!!

2. You’re Up To Pee 50 Times a Night? Just Wait Till The Baby Arrives and You’ll Be Up Twice That Amount.

No I really don’t need to hear that sort of shite right now either.

3. Well Hello There I’m a Complete Stranger and I See You’re Pregnant, Let Me Just Touch Your Belly

NO, NO, NO! While conversations with strangers about your pregnancy is kind of nice, random touching of the belly is not!

4. You Really Shouldn’t Be Eating That You Know?

Look, I’ll eat you in a minute if you don’t shut up!

5. Enjoy Your Sleep Now, When The Baby Comes, You Won’t Sleep Again.

Really? You’re going to bring me down with this talk? No thanks.

6. Make Sure you Get An Epidural Early, Don't Wait

I was actually going to go with my own birth plan, but thanks for the advice

7. I Was In Agonising Labour for 67 Hours and Ripped From End To End, Blood, Stitches, The Works.

Right, it’s not SAW, it’s labour, so stop giving me the gore story.

8. Are You Sure It’s Not Twins?

Okay you’re getting a slap in the face now

Instead of saying any of these clangers, why not just say ' you look great, how are you feeling,' and bloody leave it at that!

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